Year 2.1 was an unforgettable week because Monday was the exact date of Doris' first anniversary of loss. By 7 am Monday morning at a local cafeteria I began to put up the English version of Doris' blog, which was my goal for the day. Two and a half hours later Doris' sister and her husband arrived, coming by 10 am to pay respects to the sister she dearly missed. Her sobbing were sorely felt even in the living room where her husband and I sat, still uploading her blog. At 10:10am we took Doris' electric piano downstairs to wait for a delivery van to transport it to her sisters newly renovated house. A year after Doris' loss I could let go of the instrument because it was for a loving relative. Her sister even took the unused xylophone wrapped in plastic. Doris would dearly loved her sister to have both as her sister can occupy her time with music now in her retirement years. The sister had lovingly took an earlier six months retirement to care for Doris, what great love! After they left I went to have lunch with two buddies at Simply Life, one of Doris' favorites, where I ordered a hamburger, as she would have wanted me to because she did not want me to starve since we ate little when she was sick. After lunch we prayed, tearful and all. At night I was invited to a coworker's home for dinner. Halfway through a USA friend called me from the airport so I had to meet him because I would leave for Shanghai next day. I apologized to the family because my friend did not confirm his arrival because he had no internet access for some days in the field. It was awkward on this day but I could not ignore him and a friend with him because of my personal grief.
Day 2 was leaving for Shanghai. It was miserable at the airport where we were stranded in a plane on the runway for five and a half hours. On the plane tempers flared and quarrels ensued with the undersieged attendant. At least my three fellow sojourners from the Putonghua fellowship kept our conversation interesting and I did not feel tired, praise God. By the time we landed and ate wonton noodles it was 1230am next day. The nearest opened restaurant was ironically a HK restaurant!
On Wednesday morning, our first full day in Shanghai, we all slept in. I was actually awakened by a buddy's early text at 730am, which is an hour later than my usual waking hour. We did not wait too long after our 830am gathering to eat breakfast , which is fried bun 煎包. After breakfast we go to one of the longest and oldest shopping boulevard南京東路 in Shanghai. There people lined the streets for 粽. Most shops there are old brands. That takes us not far walking to the Bund上海灘. We stopped at Peace Hotel 和平飯店 reminiscing how Doris and I visited the hotel briefly, if only to use the restroom for hotel guests. On that occasion we were let in by a nice gentleman guest who held the door for us. Our group saw a sign that said $238 for western high tea and asked if we could order two sets for four people. The waiters gave a resounding yes because guests were few. It was money well spent because our craving was for local food. The view of the Bund was excellent from high up. I cried saying grace for the food. Later we headed to the Bund and walked for a few hours snapping photos where Doris and I used to pose two years ago. No doubt sentiments surged again where Doris used to stand at the adjacent 人民英雄紀念塔. We ate French bakery at a nearby cafeteria and lavish local Shanghai food at a store nearby our hotel. It was end of Shanghai day two, 9pm, as we returned to Okura hotel because our fifth sojourner from HK was expected to arrive.
On Thursday morning I walked out at 630 am to find out where Doris and I had coffee previously, but a sign said Open 830am, so I took my PC to work at a nearby Starbucks, returning later with the whole group to enjoy coffee. I ordered a flat white. At least I know the store is called Paras. We then had simple Shanghai breakfast and hurried to get tickets to Hangzhou. Everything was total recall on the trip. I told the group where we previously caught a bus to Westlake, and I was right! At Westlake we still had to walk more than half an hour to Shangri-la where Doris and I took pictures over high tea two years ago. I was emotional over high tea there thinking of past memories. My sojourners were great, putting me to exact spots and poses from two years ago. Earlier I couldn't answer if we took a bus home, but then I remembered we did. The only regret is not wearing the same shirt from two years ago. Returning to Shanghai we went to 新吉士 on a sojourner's request and it turned out that it was where Doris and I had dinner before. I was glad I took Doris by accident to a renowned restaurant before. Unfortunately it was closed at 10pm, so we hurried to the old diner 舊吉士 that closed at midnight, and we ate to our hearts delight at a bill of $777, an interesting number to HKers.
On the last day I went to Starbucks early to write, then joined the group for soybean咸豆漿breakfast, followed by Paras coffee, ordering Doris' favorite mocha. Then it was time to fly home. Dinner was at HK airport. I bawled before sleeping seeing the two years before and after pictures we took on the trip.
Day 6 was back to normal. I had a great time having my first lunch with a coworker I have known for five years because he's coming to pth worship to preach the next day. We recorded his sermon over 35 minutes long but merely a few minor words mispronounced. After resting for fifteen minutes I tried to work on an upcoming men's fellowship Bible study on Gideon in Judges 7. At least I got the observation part done before having a meal with a buddy and going home for my prayer walk, which I missed for close to a week. Following a news report of a worship leader Chris Blue winning the Voice contest in USA, I searched for the song Take Me to the King that soothed my soul:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GYU5aGQV6j0
I had to be alert and on my feet Sunday because many mainland visitors were in town for a 4,000 attendees conference. It worked out well because we have less people over the long weekend as well. I helped ushered the visitors, and our fellowship served some food. The speaker spoke well for a pth debut. Our visitors spoke glowingly of the reception. I was surprised a newly married young man brought soup for me, which was my dinner along with two small 粽. An intern said that I have written more books than his professors; indeed Doris and I were "productive" book partners. Another intern was sick, so I led pre-study for pth fellowship.
It's been a long road, a long, with a long, long journey ahead undoubtedly. Apart from Doris' English blog I have also enclosed the link to my 52 weeks of blogging:
http://dorisgoodfight.blogspot.com
http://etransplant.blogspot.com
I wanted to end blogging by the tenth week, but Doris appeared in my dream on the eleventh week, so I had something to tell. There's no telling when I'll stop now. Like my life nowadays, I can't think so far ahead. I have learned to press on, but not move on, which is insensitive nonsense to me. But thanks for praying for me, sharing and walking with me, plus reading our blogs, which I won't send now that the year is over, but you can check on the internet.
May 30, 2017
Week 52 ended just one day short of Doris' first anniversary of loss. On Monday the emotions surged momentarily in the morning thinking of the coming week. I had lunch with Doris' St. Paul Co-ed classmates but not before I dropped off our latest book to Dr Tsang, one of the doctors Doris formerly consulted a few times. A person in the lunch group later said Doris belonged to the “hardworking” student category. Doris loved having lunch with her classmates.
Day 2 I had a session preparing a coworker for the person's next sermon date. It was quick and easy because the coworker learned how to follow the text's grammar. It took us less than half an hour. It took us less than half an hour. It ended when Doris' friend came by to pick up more books, including the last of the 400 copies I ordered also checked a coworkers sermon for Sunday. He did very well. At night I cooked spaghetti for a friend and his two kids while his wife was on a mission trip.
Wednesday was deacon's night meeting, so I had the morning off to work on a book. Since March my mind has been back to normal, just at the right time to plow full steam ahead for a new book.
Day 4 I decided at last to send last week's blog entry to our family chat group, which I do not normally do, just like Doris. Doris sister said, "I miss Doris so much, it is hard to pass this year." Later our department had a birthday lunch before the meeting.
On Friday I finally finished and sent my local tax. This year I have to mark the “widowed” box. How sad. I finished the second last NT text on Mark 15 preparing our Lent series. It was an enriching, fulfilling and satisfying study:
The Centurion and the Christ (Mark 15:37-39)
1. Hear the shout v 37
2. Heed the signs v 38
3. Hasten the surrender v 39
Day 6 I finished the last NT sermon on The Last Seven Words of Jesus for our Lent series. It took every ounce in me to complete it before the anniversary. I had lunch with three guys before our pre-prestudy group and then led the pre-study group. At night I excitedly looked at a video a friend transferred from another format to video for me. It was a vintage five year old video of Doris teaching the Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5, exactly what we studied in the afternoon! It was a blessed gift! At night I confirmed with Doris' sister that a moving van will help her and her husband move Doris' electric piano to her place when she visits on coming Monday anniversary morning. She wanted it for a long time and she just got her house renovated. It hit me emotionally that I would lose the piano but it was for a relative who loved Doris dearly.
On Sunday I gave thirty of Doris' blog books away. The song 我的心 你要稱頌耶和華 touched me deeply and I could not stop crying as it was a Doris favorite. Two younger coworkers took turns comforting me. After worship a friend cut all my hair off to represent my loss, lament and longing. Two families came to the island to share the rest of the day with me, walking to the park and old village, having German dinner, praying at my apartment and eating durian for dessert. I had no time to grief! Thanks friends! One even cut his hair shorter in support and one bald!
Please pray for me as I travel with pth friends to Shanghai to chase memories my last ever trip with Doris two years ago one day apart, to Shanghai.
May 22, 2017
Today, Monday, is week fifty one, exactly a week from the first anniversary of Doris' loss. On Monday I sat in two cafeterias to close out the first year, one in IFC to buy mocha and an almond croissant like before with Doris, and next at a Sheung Wan cafeteria to add $100 to her coffee card, which I was warned that it would expire if no recent activity is detected. At night I had dinner with a buddy and his wife at a newly opened northern food restaurant.
Day 2 I had a night meeting, so I went locally for coffee. When I told neighbors I know it'll be a year soon, the responses are 唔經唔覺，時間好快 and 眨眼. Can't blame them, it seems like that to anyone but me. Late noon I declined the new work that was recommended to me. It took courage and honesty in me to get the point across. At night we had a new Putonghua men's Bible study attended by twelve men, equally split between the campus group and the adult fellowship group. It was an eye opener because young men seldom come, especially on weekdays. I consider it a triumph. I also use materials previously written by Doris, if possible.
Wednesday was a blur but I managed to complete my John 4 outline:
HEAVEN CAME DOWN AND GLORY FILLED MY SOUL (JOHN 4)
Be Delighted – Your Wants are Delivered (John 4:7-15)
Be Deepened – Your Worth is Defined (John 4:16-19)
Be Devoted – Your Worship is Demanded (John 4:20-26).
The June 4th sermon team loved it. There was little headway in content but many were waiting for my outline for the sermon to be delivered in three weeks.
Day 4 was a good day. My coworker and I had lunch with another coworker to persuade him to join our fellowship team instead of leaving for good. More than an hour and a half we made the breakthrough, by God's grace. The turnaround was so sudden and sweet that it caused my fellow coworker to cry. Good workers are hard to come by. Also, I am thankful that more than 400 of our new book 求你使我痊癒 have been sold in less than a month.
On Friday morning I already felt sad. I had a night fellowship, so I spent the morning at the clubhouse where Doris spent her most mornings when she was sick. When I closed and rested my eyes, an image of Doris winking and smiling at me came to my mind. She was dressed in white. Returning home to get ready for work, tears flowed from my eyes.
Day 6 I had a department meeting but before that I had lunch with two department reps. It was a good chit chat. At the meeting proper we managed to get over the hump in dealing with other departments' issues that affected us. At night fellowship we had a good study from our book同作門徒.
Sunday was a hard day for me. At the monthly church prayer meeting I cried twice, the second time when the congregation stood singing, You Raised Me Up. A church leader, a coworker and a friend prayed for me. At night I joined a pastor for dinner, almost regretting it, guilty of interrupting the family on Mother's day, which I forgot.
Please pray for me with the sentimental week coming. There is nothing to fear or forget, just let God stir and steer as He may.
May 15, 2017
Week fifty means less than two weeks to the anniversary of Doris' loss, but it has been a dream week as well as a down week. On Labor Day I was happy as a lark finishing a new sermon - Jesus riding a donkey - for my Lent series. At night I visited a brother at hospital. There were tears in my eyes before the visit because it was my first time back at the hospital where Doris had the most treatment. I was glad for the visit because I got to know the person better.
Day 2 I had breakfast with an upcoming seminary graduate to see if the person is interested to serve in the same church. I had to hurry to attend a sermon group to discuss our next worship Sunday text of John 4, the Samaritan text. I fell in love with the passage doing my own study the previous week. After our coworkers meeting I was told that I would be recommend to take up a new work, but that got me worried and troubled for the rest of the week. At night I had dinner with a coworker and we, including his wife, walked around the island twice to talk about ministry.
Wednesday was a public holiday, Buddha's birthday. I went to Prince Edward for lunch at Tiffany, then walked Fa Yuen Street and finally bought orchids for Doris, my first time buying orchids for her.
Day 4 is back to work again. I worked half a day but I had to meet a person for lunch. He had regarded me as his teacher but I am no business guru, so I told him the story of Isaac who retreated digging wells until nobody quarrelled with him because what mattered to him was God's appearance in his life before the strive with Philistines began. By God's grace, I managed to finish translating my Sunday sermon on the Great Commission, which did not energize me since it was an old passage, but I had no takers for the sermon date.
On Friday I had a sweet dream of attending a wedding with Doris at an old but long American apartment. We even stayed overnight before the wedding. Sometimes we hear people knock at the wood from the outside. Doris said Hi to an ABC bridesmaid she knew. I took the 8am bus to rush to wan chai to collect Doris' probate documents, then deposit them to internal revenue before I returned to office for a department meeting and later department lunch with a previous coworker. At night I delivered 94 of our new books to Couples fellowship.
Day 6 I woke up to another dream of Doris but for the first time she was cancerous in my dream. Other details were blur my predecessor was there, my passport was confiscated and the apartment doors were locked, so were my notes. I had my third two hour morning massage for my tennis elbow. I still managed an hour of writing before I went to lunch with a former fellowship leader before pre-study. The new study on Acts was well-received, so was the grammar Bible approach. At night another nine books were sold. The old song Hineni brought tears to my eyes at pth fellowship. I joined the younger pth Couples group and greatly encouraged a new couple trying to adapt to the group.
On Sunday the Spirit moved me to speak with conviction on an old message on the Great Commission.Telling Bonhoeffer's story was emotional for me. Two people made a decision for baptism at the end of the invitation. A coworker called me for lunch as we shared ministry stories.
May 10, 2017
Week forty nine begins the countdown to three weeks from the first anniversary of Doris' loss, and another dream of Doris. On Monday I got the most excellent and ecstatic news from my travel agent in the afternoon. My ten year visa to China has been approved. It was so unnerving that I thought I had to cancel my planned trip to Shanghai to relive the memories of our last ever trip together, and other professional plans in China! What a blessed gift heading to the first anniversary.
Day 2 I said goodbye to my brother and his wife as I head to work. Last night he cleverly kept me awake till 1am in the morning to watch Stephen Chow's Kung Fu as he tenderly massaged my tennis elbow right arm. We differed night and day in the past but age and time tore down the walls.
Wednesday was hard on me as I read the last words of Doris again in our new book 求祢使我痊癒. Tears fell from my eyes reading the same things now that she is gone. The entries are more poignant and powerful because previously I clung to the slightest possibility of hope and healing.
Day 4 I struggled with going to hear a case or working on a sermon on my half day off. I decided on the sermon because there's nothing new In closing arguments and I did not receive text confirmation of court time.
On Friday I have a wonderful dream of Doris. We went to a mall and she went ahead of me in a crowded lift. I got into the next one but couldn't find her as she had gone to the new mall nearby. When I asked a store owner how to get there, the person refused to tell me, so the customers present were angry at her.
Day 6 morning I had a two hour hand massage in the morning and met a friend who's returned from UK for lunch. He's retired but volunteered halftime in ministry there, but needs might forced him to do voluntary full-time ministry. After lunch I picked up my PC from Asus store because they required $4,470 to fix a motherboard and charged me $300 service charge as expected. I tried other stores nearby in shum shui po. One offered to do it for $700 if he succeeds and no fees for consultation. At night I had dinner with a buddy and his wife now that we seldom have dinner because of schedule conflict.
Sunday arrived and the speaker did a good job after sharpening his sermon from our weekday review. I attended youth lunch but it only made me sleepy. After I returned home I got a call from the repair store that my PC repair worked! I was too tired, slept for two hours, then went to pick my PC. I found a goose store nearby and had a pleasant dinner and headed home happily. At night I finally finished the Emmaus sermon on my own time over two weeks. I derived a lot of satisfaction from doing it because reading it went nowhere and did nothing for me previously.
May 1, 2017
Week forty eight was a memorable week with my brother and his wife in town and Doris' 11th month of loss. Monday was a holiday due Easter the day before but it was more like a weekend, a sleepy one for me too in the morning. Nevertheless I started working on the Emmaus sermon I did not get to preach over Easter, giving the opportunity to my predecessor. I plan to include it into Doris' Lent devotions that she left behind. At night I spent dinner with my predecessor, the smartest guy at work in his heyday. It was his last day in HK after two months here. The sharing was good because he could talk transparently, partly because he too had spent decades overseas, so we are on the same wavelength.
Day 2 begins a comedy of errors and a lot of sweat in trying to obtain a new visa to China. When I finally submitted my application I signed at the wrong place, so there was another delay. Then the agent did not submit my application for fear of rejection and being blacklisted. China is becoming a nightmare for believers with a foreign passport like me. My travel agent and I spent the next three days getting the information right. Even then I won't know by next week if my visa is approved. I also gave a few hundred dollars to support a young seminarian to missions.
On Wednesday I went through a co-workers upcoming sermon with him. A passionate speaker, he is very thorough but still lacked understanding in structure. It was a joy and a challenge to explain again to him because of his high intelligence and full China upbringing but he's still unsure if structure is that important and meaningful.
Day 4 is delivery of our new book 求祢使我痊癒. I ordered 700 books, of which 300 of them is meant for 三宗 that meets the anniversary week of Doris memorial service. Last year I started giving the participants, so may the Lord bless it's use. At night my brother David and Siew Huay took a direct shuttle to the island all by themselves. We had northern food at Tsing Yi.
On Friday we had breakfast with two buddies who witnessed to my brother over yum cha. I had to leave earlier for meeting and left the job to my two trusted friends. At noon I had my evaluation, something I did not look forward to because of a previous misunderstanding not on my part. Tough talk does nothing, only soft power works. It ended well. I even apologized for any embarrassment I caused. I agree I have not reached my potential, but I believe in helping others succeed, not helping promote myself. I had prayer with my group and a buddy cut my hair for Doris' 11th month of loss tomorrow. At night I took my brother out for wonton noodles and dessert.
Day 6 I took compensated leave to take my brother David and his wife to Stanley, a place he recognized for the prison from Chinese movies. For dinner we had Korean food at Sorabol. We had a good make-up time because we seldom see each other. Today was the 11th month of Doris' loss but my brother kept me busy enough to lose focus.
On Sunday I took David and wife to church. Praise God for once they were not bored after past failed experiments attending church to find unimpressive speakers, in his view. At night they wanted to eat Cantonese food, so went to Tsing yi for food and mall.
April 25, 2017
Week forty seven was another good dream week. On Monday Doris' little school "sister" came from Toronto and brought a beautiful bouquet of flowers to visit Doris rest at home. We searched some of Doris' old letters to find two cards that belonged to her. One of my goals is to return to the sender's the old cards they sent to Doris.
On Day 2 the flowers I bought for Doris during Ching Ming bloomed to a rich fragrance. The flowers her sister brought as well as from the Canadian visitor yesterday made the room a sight to behold, so much so that I told Doris, "You look good, Baby!"
On Wednesday a swimmer told me her pool story. She suffered from 左骨神經線 and walked with a limp on her right foot. After various treatments she asked her acupuncturist, "Would swimming work?" "They can," said the doctor. Further, her island daughter urged her saying, Would you rather spend money seeing doctors or swim? Her daughter even offered to pay the $350 an hour training for her swimming, altogether more than $10,000 for her mother to finally learn how to swim. She called herself dumb and old - over 60, but now she travels daily to the island clubhouse for her swim.
Day 4 morning I woke up to a dream of Doris and I introducing her niece to L A. Regent Cafeteria, telling the niece we had taken a distant relative there for lunch before. We realized our error because the two girls are rivals. After lunch I picked up Doris' will and lawyer forms to apply for probate in order to get our tax refund. The lawyer was Doris friend who did not charge us. When the paperwork was done tears rolled down from my eyes near MTR thinking of the will I saw for the first time and the blessing from her friend. At night I had a bigger Thanksgiving, finally finishing the 38 chapter 職場 book Doris almost completed. I had finished it more than a month earlier than the expected date of Doris' loss, May 22. Now I pray for a publisher with similar vision, intent and passion.
On Friday morning I returned to our favoriteTung Chung cafeteria to relive old memories. At noon I wiped the tears from my eyes to the Good Friday message. I mingled Jesus' sacrifice, Doris' suffering and the speaker's sickness to a good cry.
The holidays continued through Saturday. I went to morning dim sum with Doris' sisters to get her original death certificate for probate because mine is in USA. Departing at 330pm ferry I even found a store that has celery for a drink. I definitely need one for my high blood pressure, even ordering one more for take-out.
I joined the early Easter 630am worship but to a lack of sleep. The Emmaus sermons gave me a lot of thought since I had checked out the passage a day earlier. My next project is to work with the Lent devotions Doris left behind. From the gospel accounts the texts I need to work on include three gospel texts, one from Isiah and no more than five from Paul.
Finally a song from Good Friday that touched me:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PddS4i_U-IE
May 18, 2017
Week forty six was a week of dreams but none with Doris in it. On Monday I woke up to a USA friend remarking that my pants were too big or fashionable. In the morning I ended up telling another friend I did not appreciate what he said to me the night before. It was embarrassing and possibly detrimental to a new-found friendship. May the Lord heal. At night Doris' school friend texted me: Tomorrow is Ching Ming festival. Hope u r ok. Remember u in prayer
Victor Yap: Her sisters with me
Friend: Good !
Victor Yap: She lives in my heart
Friend: Yes
Tuesday was Ching Ming holiday for folks to sweep tombs. I woke up at 4am to these questions: What does it mean to me? How do I feel? One thing was different: Doris was at home, not at tombs! It was a serene day actually. After a bit of writing in the morning I went back to bed near 10am because I woke up too early. Near noon I went to Prince Edward to get flowers for Doris even though her sisters said they'll do it. The day was too beautiful and too special to stay at home. After having a quick lunch at my favorite place introduced by a buddy I bought resurrection lilies for Doris and some cookies for friends. At 6pm her sisters arrived to bring flowers to show their love for baby sister. We had hotpot with the food I bought for the occasion.
On Wednesday night I watched the first chapter of 2017 Condor Heroes on the tube. The night before I was fascinated by its showing on CCTV, but one of the villains has died, so I had to start from the beginning.
On Thursday I woke to my second dream of having a sports car that has a handy sloping underground parking spot exactly the size of one car. The purpose was to get away from bad guys.
On Friday I used the compensated day to revised more chapters. A friend asked me to listen to his talk, which I had a great time doing since I can lend a ear to something important to him and give my feedback. I secretly wished I can help him get his article published.
On Saturday I had a masseur to work on my stiff right arm for two hours. It has been stiff for more than two months, increasingly getting worse, so it was high time to attend to it. At noon I had to rush to the office to do prestudy questions with two new reps from another fellowship zone. All enjoy it tremendously. After study I was so spent a buddy and I went to tea before I head to fellowship, eat and head home. What a long day.
The next day was longer still. I spoke at North point before heading back to church, ate a burger , then sat on a waiting car to Ma On Shan for fellowship leaders retreat. For three hours they expertly learned the grammar Bible, practised writing a short devotion and acted a sketch. Praise God at night I have finished revising 30 職場 chapters. All's well that ends well for the day. At the camp an old song touched me, reminding me the fair and frail bride of Christ:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oKd3wUNfrrs
April 11, 2017
Week forty five continues my dream week. On Monday I went with a fellowship friend to watch the movie Silence. He was disturbed by the negative depiction, I can understand, so I won't recommend it unhesitatingly. Most moviegoers forget about the other heroic missionary who sacrificed his life to rescue believers who were drowned for their faith. Another thing to bear in mind is the Catholic priest's burden as the representative of God, thereby the key element in the inquisitor's plan was to make him apostatize to cause others to stumble when previously the believers would not apostatize. The third observation is that believers did prosper in Japan for a while until the priests' apostasy.
Tuesday was another boring week, unchallenged by the lack of preaching new sermons. Now I have eight half done sermons. The only new thing is welcoming a new coworker W at lunch.
Wednesday I woke up to a fourth week dreaming of Doris. She asked me, "Do you wanna go for a walk at the beach?" As usual, we were also driving, but this time to a strange house. At one time, I was looking for a restroom. At night a neighbor and his wife offered a ear massage to treat my high blood pressure, bless their heart!
On Thursday I received news that my former church chairman suddenly died of leukemia. The person who notified me talked to him on Sunday but he was hospitalized on Tuesday and died Thursday 1am. Poor family, there is no grief like no preparation for the family, Doris used to say. At night I had dinner at Sheung Wan with my prayer partners and my mentor, who will be returning to L.A. after a short but rewarding stint at ABS. He's such a wonderful person, I cannot say enough of Herman. However, he too failed trying to encourage me to move on; maybe what I need is just not to stand still or be stuck. At night a buddy's wife had a dream:
"Last night I dreamed of Doris for the first time. The background was unknown, she looked healthy but serious, she told me there were many good restaurants near her office,西餐廳、cafe and bakery ...then she laughed."
On Friday our department had a birthday lunch as well as to welcome my department predecessor. Our department has grown stronger and the relationship sweeter the three years I have been here. By God's grace I have matured in the mentoring part. On Friday I wept as I searched for the emails Doris sent to Herman and another good friend in USA, of which I will release the second below:
Dear Michael, Michelle, Herman & Eleanor,
I have previously sent very similar emails to you asking for support for Victor.
I am so very eager to be with the Lord but I know it is difficult for Victor to let go. Please pray that God will guide us on the same page so we can have peace about His will together. We want to embrace God's will for us individually and as a couple.
Thanks!
Doris
Saturday was the first week I returned to lead prestudy for my fellowship after a prolonged absence to care for Doris. Thankfully, the group was receptive to the study. I had inherited a lot of pointers from Doris and experience from fellowship talks since on how to run a group. The laughable moment was I wanted to eat a durian mochi from a foam box, but got a mango version instead from a wrong box , and later a strawberry version until one of the members grabbed the final correct durian onr for me!
After teaching my last Sunday school lesson the week before, I was free on Sunday to exercise without hurry in the pool. I found my weak toes were strengthened from a swimmer's tip to jog on top of the drainage manhole in the pool where the irregular surface can massage my feet. It really worked today on the second day of exercise. At night a flood of tears swept over me thinking of going to Shanghai two years after our last trip together. I later had a misunderstanding with a friend who tried to care for me with a Bible verse, but I was not up for it, taking it as another call to move on. It made me regret even sharing my pain. It was not entirely the person's fault, but it was not the remedy I need. By the end of the week I had finished all 16 chapters of the OT marketplace passages in two weeks of revision, praise God!
Apr 4, 2017
Week forty four is a good week for the third dream week in a row. On Monday a coworkers and I were invited to lunch by a leader. I was uneasy for five days over the sudden invitation. The talk was pleasant, but my advocacy for younger coworkers failed. At night I attended a wonderful prayer meeting where a buddy said in introduction over a touchy situation, 我問神點解，神對我說，因為你學得唔夠 I asked God why? He said, because you have more to learn. That set the right tone for the night.
Tuesday was another start to the office week but I was bored because I had no new sermon coming up except assigned passages on discipleship I had done previously. A coworker cut my hair to remember Doris the next day. I have also added two friends' request for prayer to my list:
1. L, family crisis
2. H, refreshing
On top of that, I have been praying daily for the food I eat, the people I meet and the tasks I do.
Wednesday was ten months without Doris. I try to wear black usually for every month's anniversary, and this was no different. At late noon I talked to a friend and his wife as he had tendered his resignation at his job. Now I understand they both think the same way but I felt two years at a job is too short. At night I crawled under the blanket and had a good cry. I still missed Doris a lot!
The next day I had coffee with Doris' former pastor from Kingston, Canada. Rev Lo had such a kind heart to visit me, bless him! I gave him all our previous books published and two systematic theology books since he had intended to buy some books on the subject.
On Friday I had a sweet dream of Doris. It came from an interview a friend was having the same day for an overseas job. In my dream I explained to Doris how the job was available and my part in it.
On Saturday I had completed five chapters of our new 職場 marketplace book in four days. I have much motivation and energy for the book and conscious of the need to pray for its production. The earlier chapters are easier because the materials were previously written.
On Sunday the speaker had a fainting spell while speaking. One minute into her sermon she felt dizzy and asked me to pray for her. I left the praying job to my coworker as I rushed to the office for a replacement sermon. By the time I came back the coworkers had a better idea to read her perfectly written sermon as the praise team sang to give us time. The last song brought a lot of tears to my eyes out of grief and gratitude:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pyIljkJKZso
March 28, 2017
