Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Week 25

Week twenty five was a dark and disappointing week. On Monday Doris' sister from San Diego was in town. The visitors to my home included her husband and Doris' other sister Faith, the two sisters making three souvenir amulets fom the urn and Viviens husband helping me with USA death documents.

Tuesday was a strange and shocking day. To my disappointment I was dismissed from extra group duties. Central is disoriented lately and I was the target. I asked, "Are you sure?" at least twice. There was no budging. I said later, I really wanted to shake your hands just now. My predecessor said I should add, Thank you very much. At night I attended the local church coworkers and gave 80 文法聖經 away to all attendees.

The next day close friends invited me for lunch. I said I  have nothing but pity for Central. At night I had dinner with Betty, one of Doris' best friends who is from Toronto. Tears were shared and shed with best friends. Their love for Doris always comforts me. I gave them two blog books for her other friends who held a memorial service in Toronto, organized by a friend Stanley who himself drove two and a half hours to attend.

Thursday was a special day. A clerk at church told me she had a dream of Doris, which I always like hearing: 
葉牧師您好,我係阿萍,上星期邊個晚上我已記不清,在夢中清晰見到葉師母,她同生前—樣,很忙碌,見到她的神情和藹平靜,有小小微笑,唔知掂解,我有哭泣,之後我醒了🙏🏻😇 
可能我哋太掛住葉師母😊

On Friday I woke early at 430am, and the thought of being fired from a duty occupied my mind, so much so I started writing a letter that I did not finish. My friends, true to form, again tried to calm me. I did say I had nothing but pity, but I found out I had human anger too.

Saturday was a special day, if not a sacred one. I took the visit from Doris sisters Vivien and Faith to our home on Monday as a tacit approval of resting the urn at home, so I finally took the urn out of the blue box that was supposed to transfer the urn to the cemetery. Tears naturally flowed. At noon I kicked off another group's study of Fellow Disciples同作門徒, the fourth so far.

Sunday arrived. On the way to worship I penned my letter in less than an hour, but my close friends were asking me to reconsider sending. The words were too direct here. Worship songs were meaningful and I was proud of my coworker speaking.

Nov 15

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Week 24

Week twenty four brings back lots of memories of Doris. On Monday I returned to our indoor club house for the first time in my recollection because the outdoor pool is closed on Monday mornings. I exercised in the pool often looking directly at the lounge chair where Doris often slept contentedly before swimming. I could not help but wiped some tears away. The reason why I had to exercise in the morning was I had to join workers retreat. I was bawling the first day when the song Thank You Lord was played, one that Doris sang and played music to:
Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.
But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.
Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting 
can be easily ignored.
The intensity caused anxiety to one who asked me if I need to see a psychologist. A friend that night told me his eight year old child was crying lately for fear his mom would die one day.

On Tuesday's prayer walk a song played in my mind with the last line 世間始終妳好. That was too much for me as I could only think of Doris' love for me. No heights or peaks are comparable. I still miss her terribly.

On Wednesday a friend of Doris texted me of his wife's scary episode of almost losing her life previous weekend due SVT, which made me thankful for him but anxious for his loss. His
wife's heart Jumped from a nornal 130 to 230 heartbeat. Praise God she survived the episode with help of doctor's timely intervention. Alex: Morning Victor! Remember you this morning! Somehow saw Doris in my prayer! I didn't feel upset but peaceful with her presence! 

On Thursday I had no time to waste. I had to race against time to ready my Sunday sermon and there were meetings to attend next day. There were lots to do because our department assistant has transferred to another department. Even though I was working half day from noon on, I arrived in the morning to focus on my preparation.

I had lunch with a Fellowship leader on Friday. That was followed by department meeting and a later meeting with leader rep. Waiting for the rep I decided to text friends of the arrival 文法聖經, which I was too busy for the last ten days to do. At night I finally got flowers for Doris that I missed doing a day ago.

I had missed hours in preparation because of persistent meetings, so Saturday I had to finalize my sermon, which is easier said than done on Ecclesiastes 9, but it was finally done. I attended Fellowship at night , which has switched to an earlier 545pm.

Sunday arrived and so did anxiety because we were without an assistant for the first time as long as anyone could remember, but all went well except I went overtime. To add icing on the cake a lady accepted Christ after worship. I met an old friend who was having a rough time in ministry, so I am thinking about asking him to take my place if that would help. At night I attended a wedding dinner but I felt so weird, lost and uneasy without Doris.

Nov 8

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Week 23

Week twenty three was one of my better weeks, although not without nostalgia or tears. Monday got off to a sentimental start when I was taking MTR. When I rested my eyes the raw feelings for Doris returned. It was a luxury I could afford on my day off.

Tuesday was training day for a seminary. I spent the day training more than eighty overseas pastors how to preach. Our pastor and I would split five days, three days for me, which I am happy to share with my church coworkers. The plan was to take five coworkers with with me, each focusing on a chapter of 1 Timothy with fourteen or fifteen students in each group. I will kick off today but the coworkers will join me Thursday and Friday. It's been three years I have not trained overseas coworkers.The local camp site was one and a half hours of travel, but I was lost, making it more than two hours.

The next morning I organized a few coworkers to pray for a leader's prostrate cancer operation. The emotions got the better of me in the morning prayer but I was with friends. As soon as prayer was over, my new book 文法聖經 arrived. My coworkers did the heavy lifting for me, moving one thousand books in slightly more than an hour. This book would revolutionize Bible study and preaching in no time. At night I attended deacons meeting with some good friends.

Thursday was another training day but it was more of a test for my coworkers rather than me. As one of them was sick and another could only join me in the afternoon, I had the largest group, but the students were in inspired learning mood to notice or care. At night I decided to skip overnight stay at camp and visited the leader after his operation and return home to keep company.

Friday was the last day of training with three students sharing a chapter's sermon in the afternoon joint preaching of the six chapters , each taking twenty or less minutes for three points per chapter of five hundred words per point. Their skills level is no lesser than my church coworkers by now, I might add. It ended perfectly before 4pm.

On Saturday I had planned to work on Ecclesiastes 10 but I could only manage half a point, but that's how Saturday goes with Fellowship day, except for this week.

Worship was uninspiring on Sunday. For the first week I was devoid of strong sentiments from the music or sermon, so I concluded I was on the mend in good time, five or six months usually.

Nov 1