Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Week 9

Week nine was marked by a stable turnaround and a shock tumble. A turnaround because I could focus on mornings and afternoons. I had no choice because work and talk were piling up. On Monday day off I had to return to office to finalize my night talk for Monday night couples fellowship. Doris and I did a talk for them last year and doing it alone brought memories and tears.

On Tuesday night a former Macau student came to pick up books from Doris collection to be given to former students for resources. Like Doris before, I prepared dinner for the student before sending him on the way after dinner that was served after 8pm. It was day one of meeting Doris' students or friends this week.

Wednesday morning was a disaster because I met an overseas-bound former coworker on a bus. The emotions could not be bottled up again. Now I found the fourth trigger besides familiar faces, religious services and public holidays- saying goodbye. Now I understand why children feel abandoned and vulnerable with divorce and death in the family. It was day two of meeting old friends as I took Doris' former USA Sunday school student on a mission trip to Hong Kong for dinner

On Thursday night I had dinner with Doris‘ sisters after a three weeks absence since eldest sister left. I suspect eldest sister made the dinner possible after understanding how sad I was last week. Thursday was a good day because I finally completed my travel arrangements for my mid-August Taiwan trip. Doris dearly wanted me to attend the CCCOWE conference there. My brother will join me a few days earlier for a needed holiday. On a happy note, my Putonghua colleagues will join me at the Conference. One of the four regular questions I faced recently was, "Are you taking a holiday?" (Others include Are you going to change ministry, Are you moving out of your house, and Are you returning to USA? ) It was also day one of three meetings with Doris’ students, childhood and college friends.

Friday I attended Couples Fellowship that Doris had led in Bible study that resulted in the book Fellow Disciples. I was roped into the praise team upon arrival and barely survived the lyrics of one song. It was good facing old friends, especially with my high crowd discomfort level nowadays. 

On Saturday, the occasion of Doris' second month of departure, my inflamed gums woke me up at 3 am. I immediately empathized with the pain, suffering and discomfort Doris felt since last year. I went to the doctor and got antibiotics that worked instantly. For lunch, it was day three joining this time Doris' Kingston friends. At night I boiled some barley with herbs that a friend on the way to a Chinese doctor bought for me.

Sunday was an unexpected meltdown when the last hymn was played:“ I know my Redeemer lives and on that latter day He will stand on the earth." I could not stop weeping thinking of the day to come. Nevertheless I helped the Putonghua fellowship pre-study to lead the first two chapters of the book. Now I am more experienced and can offer kickoff and lead two opening studies for other interested groups. After the study the feelings did not disappear, so I went up our local hilltop and then to the old pier to watch the sun set. When the last glimpse of the sun disappears I muttered, "No, don't go." It was another thing I could not let go. I really missed my baby.

Please pray for my coming Sunday noontime sermon. It will be an emotional one because I picked Psalm 102 Prayer of the Afflicted many months before. After that some friends will take me bird-watching to remember Doris on a sentimental date.

Here is a Doris favorite, Embrace the Cross
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=kq8JW_7ZKos

Victor 葉福成 Jul 26

第九個禮拜可分為由穩步好轉到一個震驚。好轉是因為我可以在上下午都比較集中精神,我沒有其他選擇 - 工作和講座 漸漸堆積如山。禮拜一放假的日子,我需要回去工作,完成晚上的夫婦團契的講座。 Doris 和我去年曾為他們舉辦過一個講座,現在由我一個人來講,勾起不少回憶和眼淚。

禮拜二晚上,Doris 在澳門的一位學生過來拿書,帶回去給以前的學生們作為參考資源。正如以前 Doris 一樣,我為那位學生準備了晚餐,我們8點之後開始吃飯,之後送他離開。這個禮拜這是第一次見到 Doris 的學生或朋友。

禮拜三早上對我來說是個大禍 - 我在公車上遇見一位往國外的舊同工。情緒無法壓抑, 再次爆發了出來。除了熟悉的面孔、宗教儀式和節假日,我發現了第四個觸發情緒的因素, 那就是道別。現在我明白,為什麼當父母離異或者親人去世的時候,孩子們會覺得被遺棄,以及感到脆弱,容易受傷害。同一星期第二次遇見老朋友,Doris 以前在美國的主日學學生來香港短宣,我帶她去吃晚飯。

星期四晚上我和 Doris 的姐姐們一起吃晚飯,我們已經三個禮拜自從大姐回美國後沒有見面。我猜這是大姐安排的飯聚, 因為她知道上個禮拜我非常難過。禮拜四是不錯的一天,我終於完成了八月中台灣之行的安排。 Doris 希望我能參加在那裡所舉行的華福大會。我哥哥在會議之前會去台灣陪我幾天,我實在需要放一個假。令人開心的是,我的普通話同工們會和我一起參加會議。最近我經常面對四個問題, 其中一個是:「你會放假嗎?這一星期內分我別三次遇見Doris的學生、兒時朋友以及大學朋友。(其他三個問題包括,你會否做其他事工?你會否搬家?你會否回美國?)

禮拜五我參加了五伉夫婦團契的大組,Doris 曾經帶領他們查經,結果寫下了「同作門徒」這本書。一到團契我便被邀請參加敬拜隊。見到老朋友們真好,特別是如今我有高度的「人群不適」的感覺。

禮拜六,Doris 離開兩個月之際, 凌晨三點,牙齦發炎把我痛醒。我立即覺得與 Doris 自去年起所受的疼痛、苦楚和不適感同身受。我去看了醫生,吃了些抗生素,馬上見效。午餐和 Doris Kingston 的朋友們一起吃,是這禮拜第三次見到 Doris 的朋友。晚上我㷛了薏米和一些中藥喝,是一位朋友去看中醫的時候買給我的。

禮拜天崇拜, 當唱到最後一首詩歌時,我毫無預料地崩潰了: 「我知道我的救贖主活著,當號角響起的那一天,我將見祂榮光之面」,想著那一天的到來,我無法停止哭泣。我比一個月前並沒有好轉,但我還是幫助普通話團契準備預查「同作門徒」的第一、第二章。現在我多了經驗,包括星期六晚的同作門徒介紹,可以做開場白,並且帶領其他有興趣的大組介紹和小組頭兩章的查經。預查之後, 感覺還是沒有消失,於是我走去家附近的山頂,然後再走去舊碼頭看日落,當太陽的最後的一瞥消失的時候,我輕聲說:「不要,不要走。」這是另一件我無法放手的經驗。我真好想念我寶貝。

請為我這個禮拜天午堂的講道禱告,那將會是情緒化的一篇道,多個月之前我選了詩篇102篇(困苦人發昏的時候,在耶和華面前吐露苦情的禱告。)講完道之後,有朋友會帶我去觀鳥,在這傷感的日子紀念 Doris。

以下是Doris一首喜歡的歌 Embrace the Cross https://youtu.be/kq8JW_7ZKos

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