Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Week 19

Week nineteen began no different from other weeks except it ended worse. On Monday I met with two sets of Doris friends, her two Los Angeles church sisters and her HK SPCC friends by noon. One from Los Angeles stayed with us ten days a few months after we were married because she had returned to HK and was back in USA to take her professional exams. I was surprised when she said Doris invited her, I had no idea or memory!

On Tuesday I had a disagreement with relatives about where to keep her urn, at Lok Fu or at home. One relative does not prefer it at home because the memory of the last day of Doris' life at home scared her because relative was there. Another said it is traditonal to be at cemetery. Third says dIfferent people grieve and mourn differently. My point was I can see urn daily, upkeep better, provide flowers, and greet urn daily. Further relatives go grave sites once or twice yearly. The tussle was enough to make me cry. The draw for her number to pick lots was tomorrow, Wednesday, and so the discussion was brought up. My own brother supported my idea. The irony is that they prefer their ashes scattered. At night I had dinner with old USA members and I told them my dilemma because one of my friend's sisinlaw passed away one month earlier than Doris and my friend's brother who was dining with us that night also; he had her wife's urn at home without a fuss.

The discussion was raised again next day because of input from  relative on USA time zone. It was serious and personal enough to warrant an audio attached to me. At 1104am the cemetery sent me a phone message to tell me our number is 551. Later I found out from the web that means we get 551th pick out of 650. So we decided to go next day to check the site. In California one in five people keep  relatives remains at home http://www.cremationsocietyofphiladelphia.com/people-keep-loved-ones-ashes-home/
I had to admit work stress and relative issues were getting to me. At night Doris' Kingston pastor 盧鋼 was in town, so we had dinner with Canada alumni.

A friend and a staff member on separate occasions this week advised me to take a look at the selection site before our pick next day Friday, so younger sister and I went only to find out that our date was the last of tgree days to pick, and good spots were already taken.

Friday came and two sisters went with me to Lok Fu. It was terrible. There were few good spots left, all were top or bottom . Younger sister declared it was the last attempt because there was no guarantee of a good draw next time, and we were told the next date for news spots is unknown. Temporarily I won the tussle with younger sisters declaration, until the next time it is brought up.

Saturday was a holiday here and I met with USA alumni to comfort person over leaving pastoral ministry. The pain of and encouraging others increased my vulnerability, and it made me grieve at night on my bed before sleeping. Maybe it was the holiday effect.

On Sunday I was at my worse at leaders retreat. The song 神坐著为王 and Psalm 13 reading made me burst into uncontrollable tears:
Psalms 13:1 To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? forever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?  
Psalms 13:2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
The speaker's tears also hit a soft spot. 

At night, however, I had a wondrous dinner and sang joyous songs of praise.

Oct 4

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